My Heart, Christ's Home

When I named this blog, I decided on "heart and home" because those are two very important things to me as a christian woman. Over the last several weeks, I have been reflecting upon the choices I have made in the past few months. In October, we moved to Kit Carson, Co. Mid November, I was offered a part time job at a daycare outside of town. I was then asked to become full time, with the package deal of my own classroom and benefits. I got sucked in really fast and life just got out of control. I was sure I had made the right decision in offering to help my husband bring in extra money. I have felt convicted about the jobs I am doing right now, and what my duties should be, AND what I enjoy doing! My job quickly became futile. After childcare prices (we get no discount and prices went up since I began working there), gas to get to work daily (25 miles each way) and insurance coming out, we realized I'm really not making much money at all. I began to look around at my home, my husband and children, my responsibilities at church,  my current enrollment in a college class and my ambitions and realized that there is no place for this job in my life. OR reason for it. My kids don't learn anything there, they've been getting sick a lot, and I always leave my job stressed and extremely tired. Add to that the fact that Dave and I have opposite schedules. Oh and the fun behavior issues that have arisen in the kids.

Really, the worst thing about being employed full time, outside of home, is that it has taken me away from the reason we moved here. We moved here to get involved in our church, help grow and expand the ministry and reach souls for Christ. Being so busy and stressed has really taken a toll on my relationship with Christ. There is no job that pays enough to be worth neglecting time with Christ. I've found that the few mornings that I have cried out to the Lord (usually while driving to work), He touches my heart and I am overwhelmed with guilt and sadness. I so treasure the closeness I have often had with the Lord, and I can't believe I let it take a back seat in my life. NO MORE!

I have decided, after much prayer and advice from people we look up to, Dave and I decided that I should quit my job and stay home. I won't just be caring for our children (when they are here), Dave, our home, our dogs, but also going to college full time online for my Early Childhood Education Associates. I am also going to try to watch a few children in my home. I am so excited for my first day as a housewife! I have so many plans and goals. The main thing I want to do, right away, is make a place just for me. I want to pray A LOT, sing, read my Bible, write in my journal, and just clear the air so I can hear from the Lord. I know that the Lord can hear me no matter where I am, but it just seems life a special and comfortable way to set aside everything to be alone with the Lord. There also many ideas and activities that the Lord has brought to my mind for our church, and I dismissed them because I didn't have the time and I was too stressed. Yes I'll be busy with college, but that is something I enjoy, as long as I have SOME time for it.

There are scores of other things I would love to do and I will eventually make it to that place. I am grateful to the Lord, since this was His idea! (he always has my best interest in mind). I am also so grateful for David, who is also excited to see me more often and have me at home to make our home a special and relaxing place. I have also been in prayer that I will make a good friend, who encourages me in my faith. Since we moved here, I have had a small obsession with facebook because there are not many women to become close friends with. I know that God provides and He alone knows all my needs.

Thanks to an influenza outbreak at school, I currently have a fever and a very sore throat. Regardless, I am so excited for what my (Dave's and the kid's) future holds!

Mother Dog Saves A Baby's Life: Reaching Out.

I live my life taking care of other people’s children. I have done it since the day I turned 12 and I will probably never be so good at doing anything else. Well,I am pretty good organizing and singing, but those things just make me better at my job and at home. Though I have my moments, I rarely feel bitter about it. Yes, I have step kids…so I literally take care of other people’s kids every moment I am not asleep (and I do it in my dreams).

I was on Facebook the other day and found this story that really made me feel different about taking care of other people’s kids. Though it's about a dog, well that's the point...it's about a mother DOG in a poverty stricken area of Kenya. I pasted the article below, but I will sum it up here. Basically, a mother dog is foraging in the woods and she finds a baby. YES someone threw a newborn baby in the woods. It takes place in Kenya remember. The baby is in a package and she drags it to an old shed where her puppies were. Five of her six puppies had already died. When the baby was found in the shed, she was cuddled up with the mother dog and her baby. A dog, and a small one at that (see pics below), interrupted her morning of food finding, to bring a filthy screaming human baby back to cuddle with her new baby. No discrimination, no feeding the baby to her pup, she just sensed that this baby needed help. I suppose a mother's intuition is somewhat of a universal trait in creatures. I wonder if a starfish looks after her young...maybe has a little seahorse that wondered from his herd (after all, father seahorses are in charge of the new babies). Never mind. Do starfish even have eyes? Good grief, the orphans of the sea.

The point is, a DOG went out of her way to help take care of a baby that no one wanted. She saved the baby's life and the dog and the baby were adopted. A kind act, even done by a dog, got the attention of the world, and resulted in good. What good are we doing around us? I'm going into the woods to look for an infant. Not really. But I will pay closer attention to the needs of others, and reach out, knowing that the Lord will bless me for it. There are some things that women and mother understand better than other people could. For example, if a mother is crying because she can't afford formula for her baby, a guy might say "Ok, go pick a carrot and feed the kid" (or some varaition of the like lol). Another mother or woman ( I am not a mother exactly, but I've hung out with them and done their job for 12 years) would have compassion, understanding what kind of situation she is going through and how to help.

Please read the story below and allow it to touch your heart.

<3 Elizabeth Rose

Felix Omondi an 11-year-old student with Mkombozi in a compound on the outskirts of Nairobi, Monday, May 9, 2005. The nursing dog foraging for food saved the life of a baby girl abandoned in a forest.

Mkombozi's story is legendary in Nairobi, Kenya, if not the world. The African dog currently resides at the Kenya SPCA where she spends her retirement sleeping in a soft bed and teaching school children about animal welfare. It’s a good role for her, considering how the stray dog ended up at her comfortable home. After all, back in 2005, Mkombozi became famous for saving an abandoned newborn baby and carrying her back to her ‘home’, where she was nursing her own young.
The heroic dog reportedly found the infant, wrapped in rags, in the Ngong Forest where she was scavanging for food. She was seen dragging a package (which had the baby inside) across a busy road and through a barbed wire fence before disappearing in the poor Nairobi neighborhood where she was living with her puppies.

The infant and dog were soon discovered after two children heard the sound of a baby crying near their wooden shack, and alerted their parents. Aggrey Mwalimu, mother of the boys and owner of the shed, found the baby lying next to the dog and a puppy.
The baby was taken to the hospital for treatment for exposure, where she recovered after a few weeks in intensive care. Media in Kenya report regularly of newborns abandoned by mothers because of extreme poverty and their inability to care for the child. Most people who abandon babies are never caught.
After her last surviving puppy died, the mothering dog was taken in by the Kenya SPCA and tended to. The staff named her Mkombozi, which is swahili word for Savior. At first Mkombozi wasn’t overly happy to see her rescuers. Jean Gilchrist, executive director of the KSPCA recounted: "She wasn't happy when we all poured into the compound. She decided to leave, but kids in the compound brought her back for the bath because she was full of ticks." The tan short-haired mixed breed who was heavy with milk from nursing, was bathed and de-wormed and taken to the shelter.

Gilchrist speculated that the dog was possibly trying to care for the child because most of her puppies had died. "She reckoned it was a young animal and possibly wanted to bring it up," Gilchrist said. "It is something to do with the canine-human bond. Other dogs might have just left her there to die. ... She's obviously a very special dog," Gilchrist added. "She is a very street-wise dog, that is for sure. The other dogs in the compound did not look very well, but she is the fattest of them all - she obviously knows how to look after herself."
The KSPCA decided to adopt Mkombozi soon after, putting Mkombozi's days of scavenging for food to an end. And baby "Angel", as she was called also found a new home. Her story generated a lot of interest and she was adopted after police were unsuccessful in finding her mother and she was not claimed. Were it not for Mkombozi’s kindness and heroic act, Angel would not be alive today.

Thank You Memories

Though it’s typically forbidden among us women, especially the married ones, some of us just can’t help but remember those old loves. Not necessarily men, but places and things. I suppose, I personally am suffering some kind of shock one would experience after shooting through space at the speed of light. The last few months have been so fast and chaotic that I haven’t had much time or space for reflection. I’ve always been impulsive, reckless, and one of those people who just have to learn from their mistakes. When I sit and think about it, the things I truly miss will forever stain my heart.

I miss the sound of crickets and neighborhood dogs out my window on a hot night in Chattanooga, Tn. I miss sitting on the porch at my house in Chattanooga, in the valley, listening to the neighborhood kids play and bass speakers beating. I miss the thick rain that I could nearly breathe in. I miss the smell of the black neighbor’s barbeque, knowing that they’d be bringing some my way. I miss Sunday drives through Soddy Daisy Tennessee, and looking at those mountains, knowing there must be a God. I miss the cheap thrills of sneaking into the Chattanooga Choo Choo Hotel pool with friends when Charlie Daniels was staying there.  I miss the rush of the wind through my open car window as I passed the Nashville/Knoxville sign last April. I miss sitting on the back porch at my sister’s Nashville house with baby Molly, listening to the frogs. I miss the noise of downtown Nashville on a Saturday night. I miss the desperate anxious feeling I had while driving home from Nashville, feeling truly alone, but determined. I miss the morning air of Virginia and driving through the Blue Ridge Mountains every day. I miss the smells of fall and the leaves that fell in front of my Grand Rapids, MI townhouse as I walked to my car every morning. I terribly miss lying in bed alone in my cozy loft, listening to Jon Mayer or Johnny Cash and watching the snow fall on a lazy Saturday. I miss the summer of 2009 when I lived with Nicole Taylor. I miss our occasional karaoke, backyard pool adventures and watching movies. I miss when we were much younger, riding horses and hanging out every other day, not caring that we were dorky homeschoolers. When it was ok to be young and the drama in our life was Degrassi, sleepovers with our ponies, (marrying toads) and the county fair. I miss the moist wet air of Virginia, Tennessee and Florida that made my hair curl and my face shiny. Never thought I’d miss all that.

I miss my dog Roman, my Siamese cats, Sabrina and Hosea and my horse Autumn. Although I don’t talk to them anymore, I miss my friends from previous jobs. If it wasn’t for their influence, I may not have come as far as I have and I am truly grateful.  I miss the silly people in my life like George Choponis, who at 56 years old had a deep love for Hannah Montana and shamelessly blasted it from his truck while driving through our small logging town. I miss covering my head with a pillow every night when he blasted Hannah Montana: The Movie, in the living room. LOL. I miss Allison Degroot, Amanda Stuk and Brooke Vanhouten from Apple Tree who were there to make me laugh and listen to me whenever I needed. The girls who shared my love for children and the humors that came with our preschool job. I miss going to Zumba with Brooke and Allison and laughing our butts off about people who farted during stretches. Oh and Allison's "focused" face.I miss living next door to Kate Simons and sharing the "Lost" series. I miss working with Heather Maclellan Richmond, Britney Bennett and Lizzy Duff at Siskin. I miss Siskin itself, being as it was my favorite job.

Though I’ve been many places, and had multiple self-inflicted broken hearts, there are just some things that have stuck with me. Deep loves, that often times we have to say goodbye to. Sometimes it’s a safe place to close your eyes and go back to when you need a place to land for a minute. Thank you past people, places, things, jobs and pets. You are missed. But you helped shape who I am today.

Elizabeth

Thoughts.

Well, again, things have been so wild around here that I haven't had much time to even think about writing. This particular morning, Dave and Jaxon have headed out to the store, my in-laws went to town and I am left here with Amelia quietly reading and oh...Bon Iver fueling my writing inspiration.
You know, it's amazing how God really is in control. It's something we know in the back of our minds, but constantly contradict with our actions. For example: I constantly worry. I worry about Dave, the kids, and everyone elses health. I worry about finances. I worry about if Molly is cold outside. I worry about what to wear...tomorrow. I worry about my hair, my skin, my health. More recently I worry about the move to Colorado. What if I get there and it's awful? What if I don't make any friends and it's hard to transport the kids?


God's got it.

He will never give me more than I can handle.

Every challenge I overcome will make me stronger.

Thank goodness. Well, thank God :)

Liz

My Valley Song: A Revealing of Me

I'm sitting in my sister's living room on the couch right now. It is almost 2am. I don't usually go to sleep til around 3am these days, call me a night owl. I'm listening to the "Valley Song" by Jars of Clay. This song always make me reflect deeply on my life. Though I am only 23, I have really had some "valleys" not only in many relationships, but also in my spiritual life. I have been one of the proudest people I know. Sometimes I held my pride and image above honesty. I just need to stop. I am only a human, and a Christian one at that. I really need to let go of my need to look good all the time. I feel like I need to make myself look better than I am, for all the times I have publicly shamed myself. I do care what people think, but I believe it's time that I get honest. Not that I outright lie, but I don't want to create a false image of myself to anyone. I want to maintain a humble and approachable attitude and appearance. My heart would just break if I knew that someone was discouraged, belittled or deterred from Christianity by my often hard and intimidating attitude.

Over the past few days my husband has been out of town and I had a mini identity crisis. I dug down and tried to really dissect the reasoning behind my actions. I believe I have been hurt and taken advantage of at a few points in my life so far. Many of us have, the only thing is some of us react very severely. We scar much thicker than necessary. When a wound heals, the skin over it, once scarred, is much thicker. Almost like that area is afraid that the same trauma will occur again...and is preparing by making skin that will resist such an incident.  I have been doing that for several years with my heart. Now is the time for me to stop. I look at the petty ridiculous arguments I have had with people, reacting like a scared animal when people bump my pride.

If you are reading and I have ever made you feel inferior, or I have hurt you in any way, I beg forgiveness!

Life is just too short for this. I want to be humble. I want people to say, "Well, I'm broke, but Liz and her family are too and look how happy they are. Wow, I heard they barely made rent, but they are still trusting the Lord. Hm, I want to be like that." I want people who are sad, struggling, hurt, burdened or in any way damaged to come to our doorstep and know that they will be greeted with a smile, hug and offered a seat in our home, at our table, on our couch. I want people to feel like they can tell us anything, or ask for advice and know that they will be lovingly guided toward Biblical truth. I just want to show the love of Christ. He is my best friend who always welcomes me to come talk to Him, to pour my heart out. To laugh, cry, and ask for advice. I want people to know that even though my house may be a wreck, my kids may be running all over, and I may be in my jammies with no make up on and hair resembling a small woodland creature, they will be welcomed and heard. I want to listen more than I talk (not easy for me, if you know me, you know it's true), I want to cry with people when they cry, and laugh when they laugh. I want to be quick to forgive and slow to anger, thoughtless words, quick judgements and hasty conclusions.  

I just can't live another day allowing my pride to control the way people see me. If I am humble, I am useful to the Lord. If the Lord can't use me, my life has no value in Heaven! I will be there a lot longer than I will be here, hello, it's eternity.

I can also be very bitter and I have been a grudge holder. To help build my humility, and stop hiding my fault in the name of my pride, here are some things I have gone through. If I don't share with people what I have been through, what good is my testimony? My hope is that through my past, I will be able to help change people's futures. Being approachable and being to relate to people and their experiences will help in the ministry. Therefore, my goal is not to expose every little thing about myself, but be more accessible to those who may need someone to talk to. SO...here it is. (this is a huge leap of faith for me).

Sometimes I get so bitter that I am struggling to get pregnant, when women who aren't even planning to...get pregnant. It's so tough!

I get so mad that I worked so hard in previous relationships and got my heart stomped on over and over! OUCH! (God was trying to show me the way out of those relationships)

For 2 1/2 years I chose to date and live with a man who was not a christian (and had no intention of being one). I put him above God. Oh I will never make that mistake again. I wasted several years that I should have been serving the Lord and I also made many poor choices that will affect me more than I thought. sowing=reaping.

I feel embarrassed that I was married at 19 and divorced at 20. That my husband didn't love me enough. No, that he hated me enough to push me around and hit me. I have blamed myself, blamed and hated others.

I regret not finishing college. All 3 times I tried unsuccessfully. (I earned my Veterinary Certification with a really good grade, but never paid my bill so I'm not certified...fail. Got mad and walked out of my internship)

I feel sad that all of my pathetic actions and decisions may have tarnished the "Happel" name. There have been times I have talked to people, who had no clue I was a Happel and I would just say nice things about them instead of admitting I was their daughter. I didn't want them to be hurt by being associated with me.

I would give almost anything to do high school over. What a waste.

Up until now, I have sucked at managing money.

I struggle with being a step mom.

I love my sister, but I used to be bitter that she was "successfully" married first and pregnant twice and gave birth once before I even married my real husband. I never verbalized this to her and NEVER let it effect our relationship. When I first held Arabella, my heart broke open and I cried hard. Bitter, angry, jealous tears. I love my niece and sister dearly, but I felt like a failure and a loser.

Now I struggle with infertility. This is  journey that may very well depend solely on my trust in the Lord. I have wavered in my faith terribly over the past several years and I believe the Lord could be testing me. Having wanted a houseful since I watched the first episode of Jon and Kate plus 8, this is a big deal for me.

I could grow an ulcer over my hair and personal appearance. I still have acne at 23.

I can barely live without a dog in my life.

I love smoking and I suck at quitting. I will someday. I just never trusted the Lord for strength.

I was never "addicted" but there were many times I used alcohol to cope with various struggles.

I have used words to tear holes into people. I always knew what I was doing, and I do regret it.

I have refused to be a "crier" to the point of severe headaches, just to avoid showing emotion. Refusing to appear "vulnerable" has caused me more pain than gain.

There have been times I would sooner jump in front of a semi than I would show any weakness or vulnerability.

I have passed harsh judgement and I have been too severe with people more times than I can recall.

I have been outraged by the "parting of ways" between myself and my cousins since we were children. I have been sickened by memories of us all loving each other and spending time together. Now we barely talk, and at times we are compared to each other by our mothers, causing further division. Life is simply too short.

I want people to see my flaws and know that I see the fault in them. I am a sinner, redeemed by grace and no better than anyone else. Through all these things, I want to bring glory to God for my redemption. I am grateful that I serve a God who looks on all of my ugliness and sees deep past all the scars. I serve a God who remembers when I was a "Happel". He remembers when He created me and who He meant for me to be. Ah, redemption. Oh, the cross of Calvary. Thank God for a Savior who can make water into wine, who can heal the blind and lovingly embrace the prodigal. I knew this day would come, when I could turn back to the faith of my youth and up bringing.

I hope through this blog readers can learn more about me and see that even the yuckiest most sinful human have access to grace.

To GOD be the glory for it all. What man meant for evil, God meant for good. It is never to late to run back into the arms of the Lord. He gave it all to us, and we owe him our lives.

Liz  

Live At Peace

It's no secret, women can be so catty! It's amazing how one incident can make our best friend into our worst enemy in a matter of minutes. I know that as I have matured some in life, I've learned that there is a way around this...

Romans 12:18- If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.

If you are anything like me, this can be a near impossible task for you. The verse says "all men". That's a lot of work! We all know people we can't stand, people that push "the button". Yesterday our pastor spoke about "the button". Everyone has one and it's the things people do and say that get you upset and angry.Oh I'll tell you where my button is (don't push it I'm warning you!). One things that drives me mad is when people correct me publicly, but especially when it comes to children. When I am in the middle of a family event, and I'm afraid to punish one of the kids because of what will be said to me, I just can't stand it! No matter what your button has behind it, the Lord instructs us to live at peace with the "pusher".

Sometimes when we have a disagreement with someone and the situation explodes, it can be very destructive! I know that I have caused damage and I have been on the receiving end of some painful situations! Being newly married, Dave and I have had our petty arguments. During one of these, I had nothing nice to say, so I opened my Bible for some hope. I knew the book of James talked about the tongue, and mine was having some trouble at the moment. This verse gave me a whole new perspective:

¹⁹Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: James 1:19

I was so struck by this that I wrote it on my hand. I struggle with this more than anyone I know! I talk so much, it seems like I never shut up. But this verse gave me a really good reason to shut up. I think if you listen fully, then the words you use to respond are more effective! This verse is stuck in my head and I am doing my best live by it.

When it comes to the petty arguments and fights we have especially as women, we need to just let go. Maybe it's pride or a need to look "tough" or get the last word. Let it go. If you can't stand that person, just agree to disagree! It has a lot more power than it sounds like it does. We have multiple situations among even our family member where we disagree on major issues, but we CHOOSE to let it go for the sake of "peace with all men". I have seen some situations where people are so proud and refuse to let things go, almost like they don't like the peace and more crave conflict and division. Sad to see the results of this and how they effect people's lives.

This has been a jumbled bunch of paragraphs, but I really feel like we need to work on this as women. I myself have ended great friendships over the most ridiculous conflicts. It's all about maturity and maturity as a christian. Sometimes close friendships need to be ended for multiple reasons, but we are responsible to live at peace with them, as much as it is up to us.